Extroversion/introversion is…

• One of the Big 5 personality traits 

• A spectrum, introversion lies opposite to extroversion

• Mostly influenced by “nature” (i.e. our genetics) with some “nurture” (our upbringing)

• Extroverts: are outgoing, energetic and talkative. They typically draw energy from being with other people vs being alone. They are assertive go-getters, great at thinking on their feet, and more comfortable with risk and conflict.

• Introverts: are thoughtful, introspective, and enjoy listening. We typically draw our energy from focusing on a subject or activity of interest. We seek out environments of peace, beauty, and solitude. We prefer more intimate social group settings.

• Ambiverts: Fall in the middle of the spectrum. Ambiverts are often able to tap into the strengths of both introverts and extroverts as needed.

Myths:

Introversion isn’t…

• Shyness, Awkwardness, or Social Anxiety: These concepts refer to a fear about social situations and how others will perceive us, while introversion is a natural trait. Introverts enjoy socializing and building lasting relationships, just on their terms

• A Lack of Confidence: Confidence is the appreciation of your abilities, which many introverts possess

• Non-Leadership Potential: Quite the opposite! While extroverts are more attracted to leadership positions, introverts possess critical skills that make them equally - if not more effective - leaders. This is especially true in dynamic, unpredictable settings. [Harvard Business Review: The Hidden Advantage of Quiet Bosses]

  Truths:

  Introversion is likely some combination of…

  • Being around lots of people drains you. After a day of interacting with others, you often feel the need to be alone to recharge your energy.

  • You enjoy solitude. In fact, it often energizes you.

  • You’ve been told you have a tendency to overthink.

  • Too much stimulation can make you feel distracted and unfocused.

  • You prefer planning vs spontaneity

  • Even though you may have great ideas to share, you're the last person to speak up in group discussions, if you even raise your hand at all.

  • You don’t like to fight for the opportunity to speak in group settings. You’d prefer to be asked for your opinion.

  • People often describe you as quiet, reserved, serious and aloof; they may find it difficult to approach and get to know you.

  • Meaningful conversations are your preference. You loathe small talk.

  • Your best thinking occurs when you are alone.

  • You are very self-aware.

  • You frequently choose a small get-together with your closest friends over a big party or event with lots of people you don't know.

  • It takes time formulating your thoughts, you dislike being put on the spot. You’re more effective when you’ve had time to “process.”

  • Giving a talk about something you care about in front of a large group is much less stressful than "networking" in a room full of strangers.

  • When surrounded by people you perceive as extroverted, you may feel overshadowed and like there’s something wrong with you.

  • You often feel like you can express yourself better through writing than talking.

  • You have above average empathy and can often read other people well.

  • In social settings, you tend to listen and observe more than you talk.

  • You notice details in conversations that others seem to miss.

The toll of being an introvert is real.

• Financial:

  • The higher you rise in your career, the fewer introverts there are

  • Extroverts are routinely chosen for leadership positions on the basis of personality vs the results they drive

  • Extroverts often out-earn introverts, sometimes as much as $600k over a lifetime [Harvard Business Review: These 3 Personality Traits Affect What You Earn - But Only After 40]

  • Extroverted leaders oftentimes perpetuate the vicious cycle by hiring more extroverts

• Physical:

  • Fatigue from feeling the need to act or pretend

  • Anxiety & burn-out

• Psychological:

  • An array of emotions ranging from self doubt, overwhelm, disconnected, misunderstood, pressured, judged, deficient, undesirable, undervalued

There are many things we can start doing right away to fully stand in our powers as an introvert. Here are a few:

Cultivate your own self care practice:

Self care is building daily practices that refuel us versus deplete us. In a time of constant distraction and comparison, the ability to go within and tend to our physical, psychological, emotional, and spiritual self care is critically important. To access my free Introvert Self Care Guide, click here.

Familiarize yourself with your strengths:

What are the unique strengths you bring to the table as an introvert? (e.g. great listener, thoughtful, etc.) What’s the impact in terms of how these strengths manifest personally and professionally?

Conversely, any strength over-used is a weakness: what are some of the downsides of over-using these strengths?

For a deep dive into your strengths, click here to schedule a coaching call or set up an ELI Assessment.

Observe your inner critic:

Our inner critic is that internal voice that judges, criticizes, or demeans our worth. What does your inner critic believe to be true when it comes to your introvert identity?

The next time a thought comes up, I invite you to…

• Pause: take a deep breath and moment to be still

• Label the emotion: what’s the emotion I’m currently feeling?

• Identify the thought: what is the thought associated with that emotion? Where do I feel it in my body?

• Identify the impact of the thought: when I believe ____ emotion/thought to be true, what’s the impact?

• Reframe it: What is a true and more empowering message that will serve me in this moment?

Example: You’re told you were “too quiet” in yesterday’s meeting.

• Pause: Take a few deep breaths, go for a walk

• Label the Emotion: I’m feeling inadequate

• Identify the thought: “I don’t have what it takes to be successful here.”

• Identify the impact: “When I feel inadequate and I tell myself I don’t have what it takes to be successful, the impact is that I withdraw even more and I feel even less inclined to share my ideas.”

• Reframe it: “I may be feeling inadequate right now, but if I step back, I recognize how talented I am. Many of my coworkers have told me this too. I’m not going to let this comment make me feel less then. Instead I’ll use it as a chance to get curious and learn. I’ll ask my coworker what he was expecting in that moment. And I’ll also share how I collaborate and work best. Just because I’m not the loudest voice in the room, doesn’t mean I don’t have what it takes to be successful.”